Random thoughts...

All right...I figured it had been way too long since I had updated anything. Now, don't hope for much. I don't have much new to say.

First, let me let you into my life a little. I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. My singleness was brought front and center in my life. I usually do okay when it comes to the fact that I'm single. I have a full life and I enjoy what I do, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't wish every once in a while that I was in a relationship. Like I said, it is not all the time, but I do wish that I could find someone to spend my time with. I think what happened this weekend was that everywhere I went, everyone was either married or had a child, or both. Now, let me just preface this by saying that I am not ready for a child, but that is definitely part of what happened this weekend. I think I let pressure build up as the days went on, and eventually I just kind of exploded. I allowed what society says about age and singleness come in and make me doubt myself and doubt my worth. I hate that it happened. I tend to think I'm a pretty cool gal, and I think I have a lot to offer in a relationship. However, when that big number "27" crept into my mind, I started to wonder if something was wrong with me since I wasn't in a relationship already. I'm past the average age a woman gets married...that freaked me out. I just started to wonder what it was about me that kept me out of relationships. Then crept in the doubt and the worry, and voila, I had a breakdown. I hate that I let things like an age get to me, but I did. I really think I need to start focusing on making myself the best I can be, and when the time comes for a relationship, I will know exactly what I want out of it, and exactly how much I have to offer...Okay, that is all with the self-help talk...

The second thing that has been on my mind (this won't exactly come as a shocker to anyone) is the Broncos. I have been thinking a lot about them- and I'm sure some of you think that is quite stupid- and I've been trying to have a much better attitude. I love the Broncos. This much has always been true, but I think my attitude and outlook on the season became somewhat jaded and clouded by all the 12 year-old girl drama surrounding our former Pro-bowl Quarterback. I still think Cutler is a very good quarterback, and I'm sure he will do great in Chicago, but I definitely lost some respect for him throughout the whole ordeal. Coming off the trade, though, I was feeling pretty discouraged for my favorite team. It looked like all hope was dwindling. The coaching staff seemed discouraged, and the team members seemed a little lost and confused. That all describes how I felt at one point or another as well. Don't get me wrong...I don't live or die the Broncos, but I do love them, and I do follow them and am invested in their success. When everything went down, I was sad. It looked like maybe our team was going to really struggle. However, the past few weeks I have become much more optimistic. I've been reading about Orton and Simms and how they've been doing, and they have such great, positive, team-oriented attitudes. I think that Kyle Orton did poorly in Chicago because Lovie Smith is a defense-oriented coach, and he had a very poor supporting cast in receivers. I'm hoping that a new team, new game plan, and a second chance will prove that he deserves the starting job. I believe he will be the starter, though Simms is definitely a formidable opponent, and I'm glad we will have him as backup. I'm still waiting to see what happens in the draft, and what McD will do as coach, but I look forward to the season with hopeful anticipation.
Okay, that is all for the Broncos talk. Sorry if I bored any of you.


The last thing I think I'll talk about is a boy...I know, I already talked about this...but this is a positive thing, I think...
I have been on Match.com on and off for a year now. I have met a couple of people, and dated one guy. It didn't work out with that one, but I hope that I can meet someone. I'm not ashamed of being on match, and I know that it has worked for a lot of people. This past weekend, I started emailing with this boy named Taylor. So far, I have been the most excited to email with this boy. He seems so easy going, fun, and he likes football...there is one drawback in the team he roots for, but I can look past that if everything else about him seems great. We have just started emailing, so I'm trying not to get too excited or get my hopes up too high, but I really think that he seems like a great guy and I'm excited to get to know him more. He even commented on his faith in his first email to me. I was really impressed by that and hope that it is something that we have in common. Anyway, after my very depressing first part of this blog about being single and trying to be okay with it, I thought I would end by saying that though I am still single, and still trying to be okay with it, I am not losing hope.

For all my single compadres out there: I hope none of us loses hope, and that we continue to support one another while we try not to.

Love,
Yenn

Artsy Day in the City!

Saturday, I went to the Denver Art Museum with Kristy. I had never been to the Denver Art Museum, so it was a real treat for me. I felt like I was trying something new and expanding my horizons. I think that sometimes I need to do that. I will be the first to admit that I really know nothing about art, but I really do enjoy it and trying to learn something new about it. Saturday was no exception. The Museum was hosting a temporary exhibit called, The Psychedelic Experience. It was an exhibit that displayed music posters and other pieces of art from the '60s. It was actually quite interesting. We started to realize why there was so much drug use in the '60s, though we still aren't sure if the drug use was because everything was so "trippy" or if everything was "trippy" because of the drug use...a mystery. We got to listen to some great old albums from the '60s and look at some really great poster art for different music venues and albums.

We also explored the rest of the art museum, and found some very interesting art...like I said before, I really don't have any knowledge in art, but we did find some pieces that we really enjoyed. There were also some parts of the exhibits that were just plain frightening...for example, there was a video piece, that had a bald man in 3 frames saying, in a woman's voice, "40 lashes for her crimes." It was quite disturbing. There was another video art piece, that was on a large screen. It was the same man from the other, but he had hair, and he was being held by an old man, who kept repeating something in a woman's voice (I can't remember, I think I blocked it out). There was also a little boy who kept repeating, "There was no cure. There is no cure." Very interesting...to say the least. There were several pieces that were just very inspiring and made me want to explore my creative, artistic side more often. I will post a few pictures in here, so you can see a sampling of what we experienced. Overall, the day was great.

I'm stealing these pictures from Kristy's facebook...this is what happens when you twirl your camera and throw it across the room and it breaks...you have to steal other people's pictures...

TO-DO

I made a To-DO list today. I put it in bold in size 48 font. I wonder if that will help me get caught up and stay on task. I guess only time will tell. I'm pretty much up for trying anything...I wonder if hypnosis would work. I am really bad at working in a timely manner. I have always worked best when I have no choice but to do the work because it is due. I have never started a paper early, or studied for a test if I knew I had any amount of extended time to do it. Some people at least start a project a little early, even if it isn't right when it is assigned. I have never been that person. I have always been the person to get a syllabus at the beginning of a semester, or get a job assignment a month before it is due, and wait until the night before, or the morning of to start it! What is wrong with me?! I don't even know how to break this habit. The problem with doing it now while I'm working is that I will have several things that will come due, and I won't be able to get everything done because I have saved it all to be done at the same time. The problem this presents is that I have specific guidelines and state regulations that dictate when things need to be turned in. My procrastination problem could cause major problems...and yet, here I am, writing a blog instead of doing the work that I need to do. Does anyone have a solution to this? I don't know how to force myself to do things ahead of time...It just doesn't seem to be in my nature.

Creativity...

So, I'm going to try my hand at clothing designing...yes, that's right. I need a sparkly shirt to wear tomorrow night. I'm sure you're all wondering why I don't have a sparkly shirt to wear...I'm wondering the same thing. I feel like I should have a whole closet of sparkly shirts, seeing as how I'm obsessed with all things sparkly...Unfortunately, though, I think I threw out all the sparkly shirts I had and replaced them with green sweaters...

What I'm going to do is buy a shirt, fabric glue, and powdery glitter. I'm going to make random designs on the shirt with the fabric glue, and then i'm going to shake the glitter over the glue...I don't actually know if this will work, but I figured it was worth a shot. I like trying creative things, because I am such a concrete thinker. Sometimes my creative endeavors work out great, and sometimes they turn out like pictures of a football play...

I have also been toying with the idea of making some jewelry. My mom gave me some jewelry-making stuff for Christmas, and I really do want to make some jewelry, but I literally have no idea how to even start. Maybe I just have to jump in and do it and hope that it comes out brilliant.

On another note, Mary and I tried 2 Bible Studies this week. The first was a group that meets in Louisville. It is singles and has ages ranging from 22-38ish I would guess...for the most part it was people our age. It was actually pretty good, but I didn't like that they split the group into 2 groups for the actual discussion. I got put in the group that was really quiet and didn't talk much, and Mary got put in the group of really intelligent guys who debated philosophically the whole time...so jealous. Anyway, the group of people seemed to actually be pretty cool, and we will probably end up going back to that one.

Let me tell you about the second study we tried. It was titled, Bible 101. I was worried that it might be a study linked to the class through the church, but I didn't know and it didn't say, so I thought it was worth it to give it a shot. It was in Longmont and all, we had to try. So we got lost trying to find it, because it was a condo in a condo park. We eventually found it, albeit 10 minutes late. We knocked on the door, and a man opened it and just kind of looked at us. There was a woman in the kitchen too, so we got worried that we came on the wrong night or something. Mary asked if there was a Bible Study, and the man awkwardly answered yes. We ended up standing in the entrance-way, never being offered a seat, and standing there making incredibly difficult, awkward small talk for 15 minutes as we waited for other apparently imaginary Bible study members. Finally we started, and we opened to Ephesians 3, which we had not read yet, being as it was our first night...they didn't have any questions or anything, so the "leader" read the passage out loud...worst reader EVER! I had to re-read it myself over and over because I couldn't follow at all when he read it. We were just supposed to talk about it...no direction whatsoever. Mary basically took the lead because I'm quiet, and the other 2 literally just sat there silently, so we sat there for 30 minutes tops having really awkward discussion. Finally it was time to go, and Mary and I scooted our way out of there as soon as we possibly could...needless to say, we are not going back there again.

We are hopeful that the Tuesday night study will work out, just a little sad it is not in Longmont...oh well, we will deal.

Well, I guess that is all for now. Wish me luck with my creative endeavors!

Love,
Jenn

V8 Soup...eww...

Dear Blog Followers,
I know there are not many of you, and I really don't blame any of you if you decide not to follow my blog after this post. The thing is, I'm quite uninteresting these days.

Let me tell you about something disgusting I just saw on television. It is called a V8 soup commercial. It is completely disgusting-looking. V8 drink is sick all by itself...make it into a soup...? Vomitous.

Also, when one is talking trash about Jack McCoy (the DA from Law and Order), shouldn't the friends facing him tell said person that he has walked up behind him, and therefore he should stop talking trash about him...? I realize that was quite confusing, but really, shouldn't they have said, "shhh, dude, he's right behind you?"

I had an MRI on Monday. It turns out that I don't exactly love having MRIs done, and in fact I kind of become quite panicky for all parts of the process. For instance, did you know that they inject contrast into the area being looked at? They do! I did not know this when I arrived for my appointment. I was signing the releases when the receptionist said, "You know they do injections in the injured area, right?" I nodded yes, but of course was screaming, "NOOOO", and then I became panic-stricken. When it came time to go back, I became extremely anxious. I even started tearing/misting up when the tech came in and started explaining the process to me. The "Injector Specialist" (what I'm choosing to call him; he was very official-looking, and only there to administer injections...) came in, and said, "Are you scared?" Yeah, apparently my face read panic all over it. The tech then asked if I needed a hand to hold...yes, that's right, a 27 year-old woman needed a stranger's hand to hold for a simple injection. It turns out that the injection to numb me wasn't so bad, but when they inject the contrast, it fills up the area with fluid and so my wrist started feeling about 10 pounds heavier...such a weird and yucky feeling.
Next, it was my turn to go squeeze into an MRI machine. It doesn't look anything like what is on TV. It is not a tube, it is a flat surface to lay on, and a flat surface that you slide into...it is only about 2.5 inches from my face. Now, I'm not usually terrified of small spaces, but when they slide you into this machine, and put earphones on you so the noises don't deafen you, I become quite anxious. The tech told me I wouldn't get to move for 35-40 minutes. It was the longest 35 minutes of my life. I think I was having mini anxiety attacks the whole time I was in there, specifically every time the noises started...stimulus overload...
Anyway, that is a very long, uninteresting story about my MRI experience. If you never have to have one done, count yourself lucky...p.s. My wrist is still sore from the injection...boo...
At least I have my follow-up appointment tomorrow and I will finally know if there is actually anything wrong with my wrist...

I am so happy tomorrow is my Friday...it is a very busy day for me, but thank God it will go by pretty quickly.

This is my last weekend of being on-call!!! Yay!!! I can't even wait. It's been a short month, but it feels like it's dragged on forever.......

I wish I wasn't associated with "Christians" who are seen as very hateful, and I wish Jesus was represented better. The end.

Love,
Jenn

Not even grown up...

I hate how irresponsible I can be. I'm seeing it in lots of areas of my life right now, and it really does affect so many things...How are some people just so innately responsible and so good at making good decisions for their lives, and others are like me...?
I don't get it, and I'm really trying to change in this area of my life. My first step to that was making a call to Comcast and having to face the music. I had to face the consequences that my irresponsibility caused...I guess I can put it in as one of those invaluable experiences that allow you to see your weaknesses and make better choices...I'll have to or I'll never learn...

On a lighter note, I'm going to the Springs this weekend. I'm going to celebrate with my friend Kellie as she is getting closer to locking that ol' ball and chain. :) I'm also going down to spend some time with my good friend Kristy and I'm excited to get out of Longmont for a little bit...I'm hoping for some nice weather...While there, we are going to see a movie, the Shopaholic movie. I'm excited. Going, are of course me; and Mary, Karla, Kristy, Karen, and Kellie if she wishes to join us...It'll just be nice to be with a different crowd than usual and get to have a nice girls' weekend...

Plus, Mary and Karla are staying with me at my parents' house so I will get to see them and that will be good.

Maybe we can go to La Baguette for lunch on Saturday, and then walk around downtown. I'm hoping it will be a beautiful day like today, because then it will be wonderful to walk around downtown, as Acacia Park is fun during the day on the weekend.

I realize that this is a very rambly message, but I'm listening to some wonderful music on Pandora and just enjoying a short work day. I'm also realizing that my life may soon be without TV for a couple of months, and I'm trying to be okay with that. I know that sounds sad, but it's true. I rely a lot on TV for entertainment during the week. On the weekends it's not such a big deal, but at night when I come home from work, all I want to do is watch TV and veg...I'm really going to have to come up with more creative, better ways to spend my time I guess...

Well, I suppose I should go. We are having Meredith's going away party and I have to go with Christine to buy her a present before we get there...talk to you all later!

Confusion sets in...

I am not a creeper and I am not desperate...but all of a sudden, I feel like that is how I am going to come across when trying to figure out how to interact (or not interact) with someone...
I don't actually know what I'm doing. I'm not usually this unsure of myself. I hate that I am allowing someone else to make me feel this uncertain.
I'm sure by now, that you have all figured out that I am talking about someone of the opposite sex. I am not in a relationship with this person, but I would like to see if a relationship of any kind is a possibility. With this interest, all of a sudden I become an insecure, silly girl. That just pisses me off...
I should be confident and sure of myself. I know I'm a great person, but all of a sudden I'm saying to myself, self, if you text him too soon it will look like this, or if he hasn't called to see if you want to do anything, he isn't intersted, and if you try to initiate you will come off very desperate and he won't want anything to do with you...What is wrong with me?! Does this happen to everyone? I hate that a very random situation with a very random person has turned me into this person who is very unassured...I just want to know where to go from here, if anywhere...
Does anyone have an answer...?!