Random thoughts...

All right...I figured it had been way too long since I had updated anything. Now, don't hope for much. I don't have much new to say.

First, let me let you into my life a little. I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. My singleness was brought front and center in my life. I usually do okay when it comes to the fact that I'm single. I have a full life and I enjoy what I do, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't wish every once in a while that I was in a relationship. Like I said, it is not all the time, but I do wish that I could find someone to spend my time with. I think what happened this weekend was that everywhere I went, everyone was either married or had a child, or both. Now, let me just preface this by saying that I am not ready for a child, but that is definitely part of what happened this weekend. I think I let pressure build up as the days went on, and eventually I just kind of exploded. I allowed what society says about age and singleness come in and make me doubt myself and doubt my worth. I hate that it happened. I tend to think I'm a pretty cool gal, and I think I have a lot to offer in a relationship. However, when that big number "27" crept into my mind, I started to wonder if something was wrong with me since I wasn't in a relationship already. I'm past the average age a woman gets married...that freaked me out. I just started to wonder what it was about me that kept me out of relationships. Then crept in the doubt and the worry, and voila, I had a breakdown. I hate that I let things like an age get to me, but I did. I really think I need to start focusing on making myself the best I can be, and when the time comes for a relationship, I will know exactly what I want out of it, and exactly how much I have to offer...Okay, that is all with the self-help talk...

The second thing that has been on my mind (this won't exactly come as a shocker to anyone) is the Broncos. I have been thinking a lot about them- and I'm sure some of you think that is quite stupid- and I've been trying to have a much better attitude. I love the Broncos. This much has always been true, but I think my attitude and outlook on the season became somewhat jaded and clouded by all the 12 year-old girl drama surrounding our former Pro-bowl Quarterback. I still think Cutler is a very good quarterback, and I'm sure he will do great in Chicago, but I definitely lost some respect for him throughout the whole ordeal. Coming off the trade, though, I was feeling pretty discouraged for my favorite team. It looked like all hope was dwindling. The coaching staff seemed discouraged, and the team members seemed a little lost and confused. That all describes how I felt at one point or another as well. Don't get me wrong...I don't live or die the Broncos, but I do love them, and I do follow them and am invested in their success. When everything went down, I was sad. It looked like maybe our team was going to really struggle. However, the past few weeks I have become much more optimistic. I've been reading about Orton and Simms and how they've been doing, and they have such great, positive, team-oriented attitudes. I think that Kyle Orton did poorly in Chicago because Lovie Smith is a defense-oriented coach, and he had a very poor supporting cast in receivers. I'm hoping that a new team, new game plan, and a second chance will prove that he deserves the starting job. I believe he will be the starter, though Simms is definitely a formidable opponent, and I'm glad we will have him as backup. I'm still waiting to see what happens in the draft, and what McD will do as coach, but I look forward to the season with hopeful anticipation.
Okay, that is all for the Broncos talk. Sorry if I bored any of you.


The last thing I think I'll talk about is a boy...I know, I already talked about this...but this is a positive thing, I think...
I have been on Match.com on and off for a year now. I have met a couple of people, and dated one guy. It didn't work out with that one, but I hope that I can meet someone. I'm not ashamed of being on match, and I know that it has worked for a lot of people. This past weekend, I started emailing with this boy named Taylor. So far, I have been the most excited to email with this boy. He seems so easy going, fun, and he likes football...there is one drawback in the team he roots for, but I can look past that if everything else about him seems great. We have just started emailing, so I'm trying not to get too excited or get my hopes up too high, but I really think that he seems like a great guy and I'm excited to get to know him more. He even commented on his faith in his first email to me. I was really impressed by that and hope that it is something that we have in common. Anyway, after my very depressing first part of this blog about being single and trying to be okay with it, I thought I would end by saying that though I am still single, and still trying to be okay with it, I am not losing hope.

For all my single compadres out there: I hope none of us loses hope, and that we continue to support one another while we try not to.

Love,
Yenn