An insight into me...

It's funny how an insignificant person in your life, and a seemingly insignificant moment in your life can give you great insight into yourself. I had an insight into one of my greatest fears and weaknesses while working out at the gym yesterday.
I've always thought that I was very self-aware about my strengths and weaknesses, and that no one could tell me something about myself that I didn't already know. Well, I figured something out last night that I'm sure others have seen, but until now I haven't seen myself.
I have a very strong fear of failure and disappointing others and myself. I know this is a very common fear for people, but I never really thought it was one of myself. Perhaps this is because I have had a fairly easy time thus far succeeding in things that I have set out to do. I don't say this to sound conceited or vain, but so far, things have come fairly easy to me. When presented with something that isn't as easy and presents some struggle, I have become terrified that through my failure, people will start to see a weak person in me.
I don't like failing. I don't like letting people down. Until now, I have had the power to control the outcomes in my life so that I don't fail and I don't let people down. Since becoming an independent adult (yuck, I still don't like saying that word about myself) I have realized that I am not brilliantly talented in every aspect of life, and that sometimes I actually suck and have to eat a little humble pie and learn how to be better. What I don't enjoy about all of this, is that while I am able to eat a little humble pie and learn something in some situations, others seem to be a little more difficult.
Remember how I said in the beginning that I am fairly self aware and know my weaknesses...? Well, a couple of my previously known weaknesses are my incredible stubbornness and pride. These come into play when it comes to not succeeding in the things that I am trying to accomplish. When I start to have difficulty in something, and failure is imminent, my stubbornness and pride come into play. I all of a sudden am so stubborn and prideful that I will make it even more difficult for myself to succeed. I get angry at myself for my performance, and rather than just accept that I may not be good at everything, I will become stubborn and sabotage my success. I think I do this so that then it is completely in my control whether I succeed or fail. If it is because of me that I fail, then I didn't truly fail. This is a weakness that I really need to work on. Maybe if I wasn't so brilliantly wonderful in everything previously (please note the sarcasm...) then this wouldn't be such a problem...I need to learn to fail gracefully. I am not sure quite how to learn this, but it is definitely a problem and I need to figure out a way to be okay with failing if I truly put everything into it and still fail. I have a hard enough time with some things, and I don't need to make myself into another obstacle to get over.
I'm not looking for a solution right now. I just wanted to post this as a way to really process what I'm feeling today.
Well, I guess that's all. I know it is very rambly and disorganized, but when I'm processing, I just go wherever the keys take me.