Soul thoughts...

I've been doing a little soul searching lately. I think it's pretty normal for me to do this at this point in my life. In just over a week, I'll be turning 27. This is kind of a big deal for me. For whatever reason, 27 seems SO much older than 26. I don't know if it is the number or what, but for the last couple of months, my heart has been yearning for change. It's like my soul knows something that I don't and it is trying to get me to listen. It is like, "Hey, you're almost 27, time to do something exciting while you still can!" I don't know exactly what it is, but my soul has been restless, yearning for something new, something that will nourish me in so many necessary and new ways.
As I think of making changes in my life, I get a knot in my throat. I am torn on my feelings in making a real change. I worry that I'm running away if I decide to make a change, but then in the same breath, that my fear that I'm running away is actually an excuse I make because I'm scared to make a change. I'm probably one of the best people at rationalizing and justifying things. I can justify just about anything and make it seem reasonable and rational. How do I trust myself when I know myself so well...? I want to know how to process this and really search out what is the will for my life...
I know I need to pray and be more into the Word...that part is obvious...but if I'm going to be completely honest, only once in my life have I felt extremely led by God to do something specific. I'll do these things, but I think God allows me to do a lot of processing internally and externally as a way to communicate with me. I think he allows me to breathe everything in and realize that wherever I go, He is going with me and He will bless me if I follow His heart...
So, if a change is imminent, what is it? I know there are some things that have been on my heart a lot recently. There are actually a few things that have been there, and I just need to really ruminate on these things.
I have been thinking quite a bit about a career change. I really do love the clients that I work with, and I absolutely love my co-workers, but I have known that this job I'm in was never meant to be forever. It doesn't feed my soul, and I won't settle for something that doesn't. I know I will never be in a job that I love every single day, but I need something that will allow me to have a crappy day but that at the end of the day I know that I will still love what I do. I need something that feeds more than just my soul, though. I need something that allows me to search out my creativity, that will allow me to fulfill my need to serve others in a very obvious way, and something that allows me to use my mind to solve problems and come up with solutions.
There are a couple of things that have been on my mind for this idea of a change.
One possibility that I have been thinking about would be the hardest for me to do. It would require me to put myself out there, risk being rejected AGAIN, and if it worked out, it would require me to put in a lot of work to get to where I want to be. I have been thinking of going back to nursing school. I have been thinking about this as a very real possibility, but it scares me to death that I'm going to fail again. I wanted this so badly when I was at UNC, and it didn't happen. There was nothing I could do to make it happen. I even applied at other schools, and again received the rejection letter. I know that I'm smart enough, and I know that I want it enough, but what if that isn't enough...? I don't know if I could handle another rejection. It kind of killed all my confidence when I tried earlier. I'm just scared to try this. Another fear that goes along with this change, is that I would have to move...possibly to Texas or another state like that that has a larger nursing need. Every school here in Colorado is so highly competitive that even with a 3.5 GPA, I couldn't get in. I know that schools in other states are practically paying students to come and go to nursing school...but what if it doesn't happen for me? I think I'm so scared of putting myself out there to get rejected again...
This is the change that my heart has been stuck on, though, so I think it's worth praying about and thinking about seriously.
Another change that has been on my heart is going to Korea to teach. I know that it is needed and I know that I could do it. It scares me a lot to think of going and teaching in a country where I don't know the language and I don't know anyone. I know that one thing I would fear is missing out on things back here in the good ol' US of A. But on the other hand, I know there are lots of reasons that going to Korea would be a good move for me. I would experience having to literally be on my own. I would have to really learn what I'm made of. I would be able to pay off a lot of debt. I would learn a new language. I would meet a lot of people. I would learn about another culture. I would be able to influence little ones in a positive way. There are so many positives about it, that I've been seriously considering this change.
There are a couple of other ideas I've been thinking of, but these are the 2 that have stayed on my heart and that I've continued to ruminate on a daily basis.
I know that making a big change can be hard, but I think that even with the difficulties I would face, it would be such a positive thing to do.
I would really love everyone's prayers as this is something I'm starting to consider for the next year. Any input you all have would also be welcomed. Thanks for listening!